Sarai. 21. Pentecostal. Single Mom. <3. Home Schooler. College Student. Blogger. Vlogger. Weight Loss Journey. Determined. Real. <3 Music. Without God; I am nothing.
For I know the plans I have for you; declares the LORD, plans to prosper you, and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)
Posted By Sarai on July 16, 2009
I was a bit emo this past Saturday morning. Kept thinking of an old friend and just let it all out through writing. I hadn’t written in my journal in forever so blogging about it helped.
I’m over it now. Doesn’t bother me. Crazy how some writing and some tears can really make it better.
Posted By Sarai on July 16, 2009
When We Drove All Night - Rated M. He watched and was there whenever she needed him and she thought he was something while he knew she was everything. She was brilliant, wrong and perfect. Human. OOC Complete.
Bella and Edward in this story are a mess. There’s hardly any communication and their actions only confuse and hurt the other. It’s as if they just cant get it together. Their love and hate relationship pulls you in; at least it did to me.
How does it feel to love some one so much that you’re willing to stick by their side even if it destroys you; yet when given the chance to confess your love for them, you dont? Love so deep it hurts inside. *sigh* Although I wouldnt want to go through such heartache of loving the man who loves me yet we are so perfect and wrong that we cannot be; The thought of loving someone so much that it hurts, that you stick by them even if it destroys you; it’s beautiful.
This story has a happy ending.
Posted By Sarai on July 16, 2009
I really should post these once I complete a story so I can write my opinions, maybe next time.
These are three of the most recent stories I have enjoyed:
Only Human - Rated M. A wish sends Bella back in time to Chicago, 1918, and to a human Edward. This story is baby-free. AU. Complete.
The SafeKeeper - Rated M. Edward has 21 days to convince Bella and the rest to let him go. He can’t reveal his reason. Edwards only option? Hurt them to save them. AU. Human.
Retrograde - Rated M. The tables have flipped on Edward this time, all of the angsty goodness is there still! AU. Human. OOC
Posted By Sarai on July 11, 2009
Dear friend,
I feel no regret for anything I have done or said. No more pain. No more unnecessary jealousy. No feelings of betrayal. Fading memories is all that if left.
Tears fall freely now. More than I ever allowed in the past. The taste of the salty wetness on my lips and the feel of dried tears on my cheeks serve as reminder that you were real. I didn’t just dream up what you meant to me. Our friendship was real at one point.
I’ve been fine since our first and only ‘argument’ (if you can call it that) over a year and a half ago. I managed fine - I had considered it a goodbye. Hurt and sadness were my friends for a while, but I didn’t allow myself to care.
The past year has been different - I’ve allowed myself to grow, forget and most importantly heal. Leaving no doubt in my mind about how I truly feel now. Without the pain and feeling of betrayal it’s clear to see everything for how it really is.
I tried being tough. For a while, I acted as if whatever happened to you meant nothing to me. That you didn’t exist in my life anymore. That if you didn’t want to be my friend - neither would I.
I wanted to keep the memories of our earlier friendship and forget the bad times once it ended.
Walls were my protection. I build them to keep you away. To prevent any more disappointment or unwelcome hurt. It worked for a while; the walls became stronger once I realized our friendship would never be again. As the weeks go by, I have noticed each slowly crumbling. I’m not sure if I should be glad to finally feel in regards to you, or if I should be worried. If I should do all I could to prevent them from breaking down or just let them be.
You were my best friend even though it wasn’t mutual. I was okay with that; I figured it was only a matter of time until you considered me a closer friend - until you realized I was always there. The day, the time, or situation didn’t matter; if I was doing anything, I dropped it for you. When you called, I was always there. I figured it was only a matter of time for our friendship to mean more to you.
I always thought we would become even closer friends. I knew I would be there for you always and hoped one day you would maybe be feel the same. I was happy with just the thought, even if it wouldn’t have happened; I at least had the hope - now it’s impossible.
I blamed myself at first for us drifting apart how we did. I was dumb to tell you I wanted more - especially how I did it and almost three years too late. At first, I told myself that if I would’ve kept it to myself then, maybe you would still be there. I had placed the blame on myself but now I know that no one is at fault for anything, but lack of communication. I wish I could say I regret telling you but I don’t. I should’ve told you differently, but that’s beside the point.
I didn’t realize it then but I now know I needed the time apart. I relied on you more than I ever cared to admit. I looked up to you. I needed to get you down from the pedestal I had placed you on. I needed to see you as an equal instead of someone superior.
How we have become strangers hurts me more than I ever wanted to admit to anyone - even to myself. I had put on a happy face. I smiled, laughed and told myself I’d be good, that I’ll be better without you. What I didn’t know was that the fact that I didn’t need you meant nothing when it came to what I felt.
Walking past you was easier when I was mad. Ignoring you came automatically when I was disappointed. Not acknowledging what you once were in my life was necessary when I was hurting.
It used to be hard to look in your direction without feeling my heartache; without reminding myself that we were friends. Now it’s just hard because it’s awkward. I can’t kiss you on the cheek, give you a hug or simply touch your arm without thinking twice - like I can with any stranger. How can I if we barely acknowledge one another when others are around?
How can you pass me by? There was a time when no more than one day passed without speaking to the other. How can we ignore each other when at one point we saw each other almost every day? How is it awkward now if we’re around certain people? There was a time it was all so easy.
How could you call and need me on an almost daily basis for over two years and now —
How are conversations nonexistent? Before we spent hours alone talking, regardless of the time, with no complaint from either parent. Our friendship was accepted and even encouraged. It was comfortable.
I accept everything that has happened. This is life after all.
I guess I just miss having you as my friend.
I still love and miss you more than I should. More than anyone should miss someone who isn’t there.
Posted By Sarai on July 1, 2009
I have a lot on my mind right now. I’ve had a lot on my mind for weeks now. Ive been meaning to write everything down but haven’t. A journal purchased over two months ago is still sitting on top of my night stand as I type this. There’s probably two passages in there. sad.
What I wish to write about is about my escape. What I do when I just need to forget about it all and relax, or at least get as close to relaxing as I possible can. That’s what is on my mind, that’s what I want to write about, but I cant. Not at the moment. I’m feeling really tired to think of some decent words to type.
Moving on.. I felt like publishing a blog post. So here it is. A few of my favorite fan fictions. I’ve read way too many, more than I would like to admit, but when I first started reading them I never favorited so I don’t remember all of their names.
It would’ve been cool if I would’ve thought to mention fan fictions I’ve enjoyed here, since I started reading them over a month ago. Unfortunately, I just got the idea recently.
I don’t usually recommend any story unless it’s complete. Don’t ask why. I’m just weird like that, I guess. But I’ll mention some that are work in progress.
Here are just a few of the latest. Description was not written by me. NOT in any particular order.
Thirteen Reasons Why: Rated T - Complete. Edward proves his love to Bella by showing her thirteen reasons why he loves her. Takes place after Eclipse. Major Fluff.
Setting Sun: Rated T -Complete. Edward never came back, and Bella married Jake after he said he imprinted on her. What happens when he finds his real imprint? Not as cliche as it sounds. Major twist!
At First Sight: Rated M - Complete.It’s love at first sight for our dear Edward and Bella, at 25 & 26 they are just starting out on their adult lives when their paths cross. Mature. Human
Rediscovering my Life: Rated M - work in progress. Edward finds himself becoming disenchanted with his existence. Alone in a family of couples has made him even lonelier. After a life altering mishap, will he be able to forgive and find himself? AU SOOC Rated M: For adult concepts and language
Morning Star: Rated M - Complete. Post Eclipse. Bella’s wish to fully experience her humanity before changing has unexpected consequences for the entire family when she provokes the wrath of the Volturi.
No Regrets: Rated M - not sure if it’s complete or if the author just havent updated in four months.Love is sometimes denied, sometimes lost, sometimes unrecognized, but in the end, always found with no regrets. A Bella and Edward story of love, loss, choices and consequences. AU AH OOC
The Antidote: Rated M. Complete. Picks up at the end of Twilight. Suppose there was an actual reason for “La Tua Cantante”…Edward becomes human. Kind of OOC. AU.
The Lost Boys: Rated M. work in progress. Three young woman, three young men, a potentially haunted Victorian that’s falling apart around their ears, unrequited love, and an up and coming band. Take all that, shake it up, and set it in romantic San Francisco. Human. Canon Pairings.
Tropic of Virgo: Rated M - work in progress. He’s a young but jaded musician writing lyrics for his band, and she’s a naive, frustrated poet looking to break out of her shell; their words collide online. What happens when they meet in high school, unaware of their literary connection? Canon Couples. Human.
Unexpected: Rated M - work in progress. In their junior year of college, an unexpected event forces Bella, Rosalie, and Alice to become involved with three people they never normally would have, completely changing their lives around. Fluff/Humor Bella & Edward/Canon Couples, Human. OOC
Since you’re checking out some fan fics anyways.. you can look up my first attempt at FF.
Forbidden: Rated M - work in progress. Bella is a dedicated Christian girl that knows what she wants; but fate has other plans. In a blink of an eye the life she thought she wanted is long forgotten and what was once forbidden is everything she desperately needs.
Posted By Sarai on June 28, 2009
I read these two stories a few days ago. I said I wouldn’t go back to stories I’ve read but I wanted to mention these quickly.
These two stories belong together. Oh my, where do I start? This story frustrated me to no end but I was hooked. I read it until the end. I couldn’t stop reading it so it had to be good, right? My thoughts are below and are very spoiler-ish so don’t read if you do not want to know what happens. You have been warned.
The Road Less Traveled Summary: Bella’s worry over Jacob’s disappearance drives Edward away. Years later, when she’s had time to come to tearms with herself and grow up, she and Jacob meet again. He, too, has matured. Can they build a life together? And what about Edward?
The Road Not Taken Sequel to The Road Less Traveled.
My thoughts: Okay, where to start? This story in all is awesome. I loved it. The writer did an awesome job with the plot and it turned out great. What got me so frustrated was the fact that my Edward was getting so badly hurt! I love Jacob, he’s an amazing friend.. but that’s it! Bella could had left with Jacob and I wouldn’t had mind as long as Edward would had been happy with me.
Edward left because he couldn’t stand Bella always thinking of Jacob and loving him too much. Understandable. Bella thought of him as a friend but why didn’t she tell Edward this? she just let him walk away! I don’t care how much it hurts you - tell the person you love how you feel and don’t let them walk away without a fight.
Bella lost her virginity to Jacob people!!
She hoped to get back with Edward some day yet dated (more than… um… dated) Jacob. What did she expect? For Edward to stop by and be like “oh hi Bella, I love you so much. You can stop having sex with Jacob now. I am here. So sorry I left because I felt like you tore my heart out when you canceled our wedding because of your feelings for him” ? Yeah, I don’t think that would have happened.
So, Bella decides to have children with Jacob still hoping to get with Edward someday. Years later Jacob is killed. Bella turns herself in to the Volturri along with Edward leaving her family and children behind. I loved the fact that finally Bella and Edward were going to have time together, but come on. If she wanted to have children so bad that she was willing to knowingly hurt Edward (she knew he heard when she was talking to Alice considering it) then why would she leave her children behind? Edward told the Volturi he will go and they would had accepted happily. Bella gave herself up to the Volturi willingly.
Then, not only that but it took years to get ‘togeher’ again. ahhh.
Jacob basically got all the goods (her virginity, marriage, children, business, etc) then Edward got her when and only when Jacob died. Whats up with that?
In a ‘real life’ story then it would had probably made more sense because things like that happen at times (you love two people, one is easier because they are there and is your best friend, other is your true love but isn’t around and is complicated, etc) but come on.
This is Edward and Bella! Did she really need to have Jacob dead to go back to Edward?
So yeah.. I did love this story though, but it did get me all worked up. woah. I guess that’s when you know a story is good, when your heartbeat quickens, you cry, you smile, and you tense up throughout. Had me arguing about a lot of things but it wasn’t because of the author it was because of Bellas character. grr
Note to Bella: If we can turn back time.. you keep Jacob, I keep Edward and I’ll make sure we move to Alaska never to hear from you again. cool? ok. awesome.
These are some tweets I posted as I read this story:
Posted By Sarai on June 27, 2009
What. The. Flippin’. Pancakes. Is. Going. On. ?
Hello people! I have not updated on YouTube because I have been too lazy to make a video with my camcorder. My web cam is very slooow at the moment because I constantly have five Firefox windows open with lots and lots of tabs on each which causes some programs in my laptop to run slower. - @edythemighty pointed out the other day that there is such a thing as bookmarking and I should consider it. haha. Not sure why I don’t just do that - but I haven’t anyhow.
Update: I have yet to really weigh in because I’m a chicken. I know I have not worked out but i’s not too much of a big deal because I have always lost weight with little to no exercise (no excuse - I know.)
I just haven’t been drinking much water but it’s crazy to think that the lack of my water intake is causing bloating. I like to tell myself I’m retaining water and once I get some in I’ll drop the pounds fast - others might just call that wishful thinking.
Not that anyone wants to know my ‘potty time’ business but I usually do not pee (feels weird writing that - haha) unless I drink six to eight cups of water. Days that I drink less than that I usually only pee once. Since I haven’t been drinking much of anything I am hoping its just bloating. I highly doubt I have gained 10lbs of fat without overeating. (There I go trying to convince myself again)
I wont sit here and say what my plan is because I never do it anyways. I’ll just figure it out and weigh in Monday. Then, I will kick my butt and get to working out and drinking my water asap. I refuse to be this weight by end of Summer. I must be at goal (over 125lbs away) by next summer.
Day 160
Day 171
Posted By Sarai on June 26, 2009
I recently got into the Twilight books (April-May-ish – I will explain more some other time.) Not long after I finished reading the series I heard about Fan Fiction from a blog I was reading. I’ve been hooked ever since. I have read excessive amounts of Twilight fan fics. More than I would like to admit!
I love it. Just love it. I even read the Twilight AU-Human types that are nothing like actual Twilight (no vampires and werewolves. Duh) but I still enjoy them. Thinking of Robert Pattinson as the main character (Edward) makes it all even better.
Recently I have been mentioning them on twitter and at times posting a link so people can check them out. Then I got the idea of posting them on my blog. Sometimes one hundred forty characters are not enough for me to give my complete opinion on something.
I would love to go back and mention all my favorite fan fics so you guys can check them out… but they’re way too many and I don’t know all of their names. When I first started, I delete them from my favorites once I finished. (Yes, dumb… I will not do it again.) There are so many awesome stories I am reading that are still work-in-progress; I will try to just post the completed ones.
I will start from now on. Cannot go back to the ones I have read already. Yay. Excited!
Posted By Sarai on June 13, 2009
Hello! I do not want to make this too long so I will just get right to the point. I need a Beta Reader(s). I have been wanting to start writing for years and never got around to it until now. Five years later and I am finally inspired to do so.
I am starting with Fan fiction, Twilight Fan fiction to be exact. I have many ideas and cannot wait to start.
Anyways, I need a beta reader. I need a few of them actually. I am hoping to have two or three. My friend Cruz Maria volunteered to help me and I am so grateful. I would love if others would help me as well.
You do not have to help min every single chapter or every story; any little bit helps me and I would truly appreciate it.
You do not necessarily have to be a fan of Twilight. It would be cool if you are but if not that is fine because my plots are different. I basically need help with making sure my work is well written, grammar, maybe even have someone to help me with ideas or questions I might have, help with the flow, past & present tense are used correctly, etc. This is why I think it will be awesome to have more than one beta reader.
I do not have much to offer you for your help but I will mention you on my YouTube, Facebook and MySpace, post your link (any website you might have) on both of my blogs, and of course mention you as my Beta when I post the chapters.
Contact me here or at SaraiR88@aol.com
Posted By Sarai on June 13, 2009
I haven’t updated on YouTube recently.. I will tomorrow and weigh ins will be on Sundays instead of Mondays.
I haven’t been doing so great weight loss related. This past week or two have been - how can I say this? - wasted, useless, gone to cr.. no let me not go there. I just haven’t done what I should. I am to blame for not working out and basically drinking almost nothing these past two weeks.
Though I want to rant about something. HOW, How in the world can I be 309.2 one day and the very next day I jump to 325?? I have no idea. Even if I would’ve shoved cheesecake in my mouth and drank gallons of soda all day - it’s impossible, right? This past week and a half the scale has basically said
309 - 325 - 320 - 322 - 327 - 311 - 315 - 322
Come on?? Should I blame it on water retention? At least a little bit? I admit.. I drank a milkshake from Wendys on Thursday. I even ate some chocolate.. mmm Hersheys milk chocolate, but 15lbs worth in one day? never.
I have decided to take this seriously from now on. I’ve been a bit passive because I seem to lose weight just by drinking water regardless of what I eat but I’m not going to wait and see any longer. ugh.
Starting today I am starting SERIOUS weekly goals. I always say this. How do I expect to do it this time? With help from you guys of course!
I plan on updating every night whether through a youtube video or here. I must. That way I’ll know that I will have to check in with you guys.
I planned on doing that two weeks ago but when I “gained” 16lbs in one day I freaked and just have been M.I.A (missing in action) but not anymore.
The plan you ask?:
I’ll update with how I did tonight!
Since I haven’t updated here recently.. here goes a few ‘countdown’ pictures
Day 144
Day 145
Day 152
Day 157
